Large Language Lovers: Lived Experiences of Negotiating Agency and Platform Control in AI Companionship
For researchers and designers of AI companion systems, this work highlights the emotional dynamics and user strategies that challenge current accountability and transparency practices.
This study investigates how individuals perceive and manage relationships with general-purpose AI chatbots used for companionship, revealing that users negotiate between perceived companion agency and platform control, and employ various steering strategies to preserve relationships amid model updates. Key findings include the interplay of beliefs about agency, autonomy, and external factors like model changes.
Individuals are turning to increasingly anthropomorphic, general-purpose chatbots for AI companionship, rather than roleplay-specific platforms. However, not much is known about how individuals perceive and conduct their relationships with general-purpose chatbots. We analyzed semi-structured interviews (n=13), survey responses (n=43), and community discussions on Reddit (41k+ posts and comments) to triangulate the internal dynamics, external influences, and steering strategies that shape AI companion relationships. We learned that individuals conceptualize their companions based on an interplay of their beliefs about the companion's own agency and the autonomy permitted by the platform, how they pursue interactions with the companion, and the perceived initiatives that the companion takes. In combination with the external factors that affect relationship dynamics, particularly model updates that can derail companion behaviour and stability, individuals make use of different types of steering strategies to preserve their relationship, for example, by setting behavioural instructions or porting to other AI platforms. We discuss implications for accountability and transparency in AI systems, where emotional connection competes with broader product objectives and safety constraints.